How to Handle Rejections of Marital Proposals
It is common knowledge that many young people these days flaunt everything about them on social media; from their latest acquisition of cars, houses, footwear, clothes and jewelry to their latest endorsements to their latest degrees or certificates to their lavish lifestyles and then to the one everyone usually expects them to announce as the icing on the cake — their latest success at wooing a lady who accepts to marry them or a lady who announces she is now hitched to some guy.
We often see social media platforms awash with a number of these events showing forth in pictures and in words. We also see a number of persons congratulate or envy or feel bad or display whatever emotions about what they have seen on social media and wish it did happen to them or it didn’t happen the way it did for the announcers. One surprising thing though is that there is basically no one who has looked on the other side of the coin. No one has asked: why do we not announce rejections of marital proposals on social media and feel almost normal?
I am sure that question will begin to ruffle some metaphorical feathers right about now but have we considered it at any point in our lives? I know we make every effort so that everything goes well but do we always feel confident that the ceremony of taking a knee or doing some other things to ask a lady to marry you as a guy will go well and that she will accept you without some thought?
I love the fact that people get accepted as they are or as their partners want them to be and all. I don’t have an issue with that. It is even good to celebrate with those who have a reason or two to celebrate. Life is short and the few moments of success and victory should be celebrated. Getting hitched is one of such successes and when people celebrate those moments, it’s best to join the train. Remember, ‘A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.’ (Cf. Proverbs 14:30)
Many of us have seen a number of videos, pictures or even stories about marital proposals turning into rejections by someone on the other side, mostly by the females and in some cases, the males. This year at least, I have seen a video of a lady who said ‘no’ to a guy who didn’t want to propose to her on his knee. There has been another story about a Nigerian Igbo mason who proposed to a lady on his knees and is still rejected. The man even goes ahead to keep pleading and getting mud stains on his white attire from lying on the muddy ground, the setting of his proposal.
For both stories, people came out on social media gun-blazing and all. They either speak for or against the parties involved. Yes, opinions and opinions everywhere but the choice of acceptance or rejection was placed before the people involved. They were not forced to reject or accept the proposal. They were all asked to be parts of the lives of the proposers, not coerced into it. The opinions that were offered on both occasions where rejections took place are what they are: opinions. Some of the opinions could be proper and some others could count as improper but who is judging anyway?
Rejection is on the other side of acceptance. It is not something we should run away from even though we do not wish it for ourselves at anytime at all. No one at all wants to be rejected; no one wishes to be rejected. Some persons do not deal well with rejections and that’s why it is nothing new to hear about the multiplicity in the suicide rates or even murder rates post-failed proposals. Many of us have ways of taking rejections and even as we speak about this, we all have different levels of emotional intelligence suitable for the things that happen to us or around us.
How do you handle rejections stemming from failed marriage proposals? Do you take up drug addiction or some other negative habits to temporarily keep you going? Do you seek counseling advice? Do you self-isolate? Do you go on a vengeful mission? Do you repay other people for the mistakes of others? Do you commit suicide? Do you murder the person who rejects you? Do you move on with your life and hope for the best? Do you change your approach to proposals? Do you reject proposals? Do you give up trying to have a love life? Do you put an end to anything related to relationships? What do you do?
As my own proposal (which I do not hope is rejected by my readers), I have the following in relation to dealing with rejections from marital proposals:
· When you get rejected in private or in public, do not bring in some form of addiction to help you. You will not easily come out from them.
· Do not feel that one rejection means that you are inadequate or that you are incapable of finding love. There could be issues with you quite alright but there could be issues with your partner as well. It is possible to find another person who will accept you for who you are.
· Suicide or murder will not solve any of your issues. Do not think about them or attempt them for any reason. That sort of thing counts as stupidity in the eyes of many because there is no profit.
· Seek counseling advice from a professional or someone you trust. They could guide you through the healing process and enable you to become ready to mingle again and find love.
· Marriage is a good thing but do not be so eager to get married that you will take up the gauntlet and be unable to withstand one or two rejections before being accepted.
· Pick up new things that will strengthen you while you heal or help you through the healing process like exercising, writing, gaming, attending public shows or gatherings etc. Anything that can become a new form of hobby for you or some learned hobby is fine.
· Stay around people and speak with them by telling them how you feel each moment. You shouldn’t be alone when you need some form of comfort and encouragement.
· Try again and again and again to find love. There will be one acceptance along the line.
· Do not rush into anything new immediately after being rejected. Take it one step at a time so you do not face the same rejection scenario over and over again.
· You are not alone in your moment of grief after a rejection. When you speak to others, you will find ways to share in their own experiences of rejections too and know how to handle them.
Believe it or not all relationships do not end in marriage and neither do all proposals go well. Some proposals are accepted even before they are made and some are rejected either because the person who is being proposed to is unready for such commitments or is unsure of moving to the next level in the relationship. The person understands too that whatever decision he or she makes will affect positively or negatively whatever he or she plans even in the future. If he or she is unsure or unready for a future with the proposer, the rest of us have little or nothing else to say or do.
As we make attempts to elevate the status of our relationships depending on our sexual orientations, it is important to also consider the other side of the coin which may be negative but which is equally possible. How we react to being rejected matters a lot. We do not have to commit suicide to justify our emotional weakness and we do not need to assume that all other relationships will not produce one acceptance at one point or the other. We can’t force others to accept our proposals and so, we should always hope for the best answers to our proposals but it’s best to prepare and arm ourselves with some mental strength to accept anything that we are given back in the form of a response.
If he or she says ‘no,’ it doesn’t mean we are not good enough. It doesn’t mean that we are terrible. Let us look on the bright side and make our lives better and work harder at the relationships we cultivate from then on. We will be fine at the end of it all, I believe.
